I see the need for Size Acceptance to become a civil movement that is spearheaded by two major arguments.
1: Equality in access to social opportunity in things such as health care and employment for all people, regardless of their size.
2: The need for open celebration of the aesthetic of bigger bodies by fat people and those that admire them.
Both components are critical and mutually re-enforcing.
As the social stigmatization of fat people is so ingrained into our contemporary western norms, size acceptance must be built on a dual foundation of intellectual reasoning and a positive narrative towards body image and self esteem.
There are multiple means by which the perceived 'social deviance' of being fat is subjected to structures of constraint. The greatest among these, in my opinion, is the self regulation of a fat person upon themselves. I say this because, for any movement to be successful it must be built from a broad base within a discriminated group. By internalizing the social norms and structures of constraint, a fat individual is essentially acknowledging the legitimacy of the discrimination. Education and mutual re-enforcement towards the purging of ideas like "being fat makes me unworthy" and "In order to be a good fat person I must apologize for my size", are necessary to empower individuals against the social norms that constrain them. In order for the idea of being fat as deviant to be broken down, these structures of constraint will have to be confronted and shown to be based on false assumptions...
for instance:
"Fatness is correlated with poor health and increased mortality..." In actuality there is no statistical increase in mortality until you get above BMI 35 ish. Furthermore, the studies that were published a few years ago that stated that 400,000 people are dying because of obesity have subsequently been shown to be complete garbage. These studies made the assumption that every fat person died because they were fat, regardless of whether they died from a snake bite, a car accident or a heart attack... Studies that have tried to account for this gross assumption have since been published. It turns out that about 26,000 people die a year from excess weight causes and yet about 33,000 die from weighing too little. One doesn't see these studies bandied about in the media too much... perhaps that might be because there are vested interests in sustaining the multi-billion diet industries and adoption rates of elective bariatric surgeries? If people actually realised that poor diets and low activity levels, as opposed to body fat were the cause of health ailments, then they might cease to be susceptible to the message that they consume their way (diet products, drugs and surgeries) to health....? A lot of rich people who profit from the existing paradigm might not like this at all!
We have to find a collective voice to confront and debunk medical structures of constraint.
"Fatness is immoral, an issue of failed personal responsibility and that fat people are ugly":
In 85% of the worlds countries, plumpness and fatness are socially correlated with wealth and power. Why is it that in western societies, the reverse is true? The answer probably lies across a multitude of factors. Dietary choices amongst the population are only one factor and are not always an issue of individual choice. We see studies that equate poverty to calorie-rich foods that are also low in nutritional value. Whilst such an issue is concerning from a societal perspective, it is hardly grounds for the labeling of the poor as irresponsible consumers, at fault for their own lack of dietary choice. The fact that fatness and poverty have subsequently become correlated has been seized upon to support grounds for social snobbery and stratification along body size lines. Fatness has become declasse in western society, replacing less fashionable racial targets of scorn. The idea that fatness is a moral issue, is undoubtedly also founded on the medical presumption that fatness leads to negative health outcomes and mortality. We need to educate ourselves in the literature and understand that diet and fitness are the factors that have the greatest influence. Whilst people tend to conflate these with body weight, by doing so, the discrimination is about as misdirected as saying that the color of one's skin is the reason that the life expectancy of black people is less than white people in the US. Finally, the moral component to fatness is supported by notions that fatness is physically undesirable... in the absence of a widely advertised counter-narrative, this is hardly surprising.
We have to find a collective voice to confront and debunk moral structures of constraint.
and the final structure of constraint is political... until fat people are offered recognition as equal and valid citizens via legal protection to this end then they will remain subjugated as lesser citizens. We can see that the opposite is actually happening in political spheres, with calls for further methods of discriminatory actions such as fat taxes and the labelling of obesity as a disease. Fatness is obviously not a disease. There is no epidemic. A disease requires a pathology to spread. One does not 'catch' fatness. By constructing fatness as a disease, the government enables the healthcare and diet industries, in league with the insurance industries, to dig their claws into fat people even further.
We have to find a collective voice to confront and debunk political structures of constraint....
In short... its going to be a bloody tough fight but it can't really begin in earnest until fat people (and their allies) can coalesce around a common ideal and set of goals.... We must tackle all three methods of constraint to be successful; the medical, the moral and the political. The exclusion of fat sexuality from the table at places like big fat blog and other 'activist' sites is a limited and counter productive stance. Going back to my original point above, size acceptance needs to be comprised of mutually supportive social and political dimensions. Fat people have the right to be acknowledged as both equal and sexual. Size acceptance should ask for no less....
Monday, 18 May 2009
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Fat Sexuality vs Fat Reality (establishing a balance that works for relationships)
First off, I realise what I’m about to write has the potential to offend. I’m going to be generalizing and using stereotypes that some will, no doubt, feel mischaracterize them. Causing offence is not my intention. My views are a reflection of the sum of my experiences and observations over a long period… I hope I don’t come off as too condescending or pious? I’m raising these points (and hopefully discussion) because I think that there could be some real value from doing so.
Any relationship can succeed or fail, based on an infinite number of reasons but I’m beginning to think that FA/BBW relationships have a common obstacle that could perhaps be avoided with a greater deal of honest communication (and realistic expectations). In order to frame my point for discussion, I want to talk about several factors that are involved.
Firstly, the culture of beauty in the FA/BBW subculture and how I believe it is unrealistically defined by norms and standards that are no more sane than those of the ‘mainstream’ world of supermodel fashion. Thin, thinner, thinnest is replaced by fat, fatter, fattest. Within the (predominantly online) alternative world of fat sexuality, the ‘beauty-standards’, attitudes and behaviours pander to a set of fantasy-imposed values that do not reflect the real self-image and actual lifestyles of the vast majority of fat women I’ve known.
Furthermore, there is a reality to being a big woman that is undeniably challenging. Facing discrimination from society, family and in the workplace is often just the beginning of the list, with a whole host of other challenges following suit. These challenges are sometimes embarrassing, unpleasant or even health-threatening. Often, for a super-sized woman, the list seems to get longer, less pleasant and less likely to be discussed openly as a result.
The internet and fantasy-derived normality of fat-sexuality naturally does not account for such factors… It is the hyper-sexualization of fat and increasing fatness as an aesthetic ideal… This ‘ideal’ in fat sexuality is immediately visible and accessible in the form of paysites, erotic fiction and the weight board on Dimensions. In the absence of visible or widespread offline institutions, I believe that the FA/BBW norm for sexuality is ‘set’ here, online. What is perhaps not so obvious to the average FA, is that the majority of the paysite models (and other poster-girls for this fantasy version of fat-sexuality) themselves experience the same discord between their actual lifestyles (in the real world) and the ones adopted by their online personas.
Naturally, women want to present themselves as confident and sexually appealing. As I say, I think the template for ‘sexy’ is learnt online (at places like dims). This seems problematic when the BBW-sexuality norm is at odds with the BBW-reality norm. When it comes to a FA/BBW relationship, a BBW may want to pay lip service to the online ‘norm’ to attract their partner. The pressure from this ‘norm’ is to increase one’s weight or at the very least to maintain it. What happens when all of the inconvenient ‘reality-stuff’ manifests, as it inevitably will do in the long term (especially when living with a partner where it is surely impossible to conceal)? What happens when a BBW makes the logical decision (as clearly is her right in any sane world) to address the negative ‘reality-stuff’ in her real life by attempting to lose some of the weight that she judges to have contributed to it.?
It seems as if the FA is faced with several options at this point but none of them seem to be without negative consequence. Showing consideration and compassion towards BBW-reality, in my experience as an FA, seems to create a situation where I’m attacking and maybe even destroying the veneer of confidence that is associated with “big, bigger, biggest” ethos of the internet-derived BBW-persona. By taking this course, an FA seems to contribute to the desexualisation of the BBW image and can damage the physical element of a relationship accordingly. To ignore the reality in front of you as an FA, seems to be the alternative wherin you are supporting the ‘game’ of sexual objectification being played out. I’m morally not ok with that option, not to mention I’m just not that good at lying to myself!
Undoubtedly there is a middle ground and some people find it. I’m beginning to think that it is easier to find this middle ground with BBWs, as opposed to SSBBW simply because the disparity between persona and private reality is probably lesser? Is it the responsibility of an FA or BBW (or both) in a relationship to look for the balance? What can we do as BBWs and FAs to improve this?
Any relationship can succeed or fail, based on an infinite number of reasons but I’m beginning to think that FA/BBW relationships have a common obstacle that could perhaps be avoided with a greater deal of honest communication (and realistic expectations). In order to frame my point for discussion, I want to talk about several factors that are involved.
Firstly, the culture of beauty in the FA/BBW subculture and how I believe it is unrealistically defined by norms and standards that are no more sane than those of the ‘mainstream’ world of supermodel fashion. Thin, thinner, thinnest is replaced by fat, fatter, fattest. Within the (predominantly online) alternative world of fat sexuality, the ‘beauty-standards’, attitudes and behaviours pander to a set of fantasy-imposed values that do not reflect the real self-image and actual lifestyles of the vast majority of fat women I’ve known.
Furthermore, there is a reality to being a big woman that is undeniably challenging. Facing discrimination from society, family and in the workplace is often just the beginning of the list, with a whole host of other challenges following suit. These challenges are sometimes embarrassing, unpleasant or even health-threatening. Often, for a super-sized woman, the list seems to get longer, less pleasant and less likely to be discussed openly as a result.
The internet and fantasy-derived normality of fat-sexuality naturally does not account for such factors… It is the hyper-sexualization of fat and increasing fatness as an aesthetic ideal… This ‘ideal’ in fat sexuality is immediately visible and accessible in the form of paysites, erotic fiction and the weight board on Dimensions. In the absence of visible or widespread offline institutions, I believe that the FA/BBW norm for sexuality is ‘set’ here, online. What is perhaps not so obvious to the average FA, is that the majority of the paysite models (and other poster-girls for this fantasy version of fat-sexuality) themselves experience the same discord between their actual lifestyles (in the real world) and the ones adopted by their online personas.
Naturally, women want to present themselves as confident and sexually appealing. As I say, I think the template for ‘sexy’ is learnt online (at places like dims). This seems problematic when the BBW-sexuality norm is at odds with the BBW-reality norm. When it comes to a FA/BBW relationship, a BBW may want to pay lip service to the online ‘norm’ to attract their partner. The pressure from this ‘norm’ is to increase one’s weight or at the very least to maintain it. What happens when all of the inconvenient ‘reality-stuff’ manifests, as it inevitably will do in the long term (especially when living with a partner where it is surely impossible to conceal)? What happens when a BBW makes the logical decision (as clearly is her right in any sane world) to address the negative ‘reality-stuff’ in her real life by attempting to lose some of the weight that she judges to have contributed to it.?
It seems as if the FA is faced with several options at this point but none of them seem to be without negative consequence. Showing consideration and compassion towards BBW-reality, in my experience as an FA, seems to create a situation where I’m attacking and maybe even destroying the veneer of confidence that is associated with “big, bigger, biggest” ethos of the internet-derived BBW-persona. By taking this course, an FA seems to contribute to the desexualisation of the BBW image and can damage the physical element of a relationship accordingly. To ignore the reality in front of you as an FA, seems to be the alternative wherin you are supporting the ‘game’ of sexual objectification being played out. I’m morally not ok with that option, not to mention I’m just not that good at lying to myself!
Undoubtedly there is a middle ground and some people find it. I’m beginning to think that it is easier to find this middle ground with BBWs, as opposed to SSBBW simply because the disparity between persona and private reality is probably lesser? Is it the responsibility of an FA or BBW (or both) in a relationship to look for the balance? What can we do as BBWs and FAs to improve this?
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Fat Acceptance Frustrations...
Over the last few months I've been taking a stronger interest in fat acceptance. I've been reading all around the internet and trying to get a feel for where the movement is at.
As an FA, I've always had an interest in the subject. My primary frustration was the way the way that fat people are viewed (and judged) by society. I felt (and still feel) that on the most basic level, its unjust to judge another person on aesthetic criteria. I felt (and still feel) that attaching moral judgement to a person, without knowing the content of their character is wrong. Most of all, I felt (and still feel) that every person is an individual, with their own life and their own rights to their body and that nobody has a right to ask them to change in order to meet any external notion of 'acceptability'.
Whilst never really engaging in the hardcore fat politics, I'd always assumed in the past that the movement was about bringing about change so that fat people could become a part of mainstream 'normality' (and I hesitate to use that word but its the best I can think of to convey my point right now).
So I'm despondant and I'm frustrated to be learning... more and more it seems... that this isnt quite the case in a lot of the spheres of fat acceptance that I've been educating myself about.
The concept of 'fat pride' would seem to be a positive one. I can't speak as a fat person, because I'm not... but as an interested observer, I can try to emphathise with how it is difficult to overcome self acceptance issues and how being part of a group of other like minded people can help reinforce and support the path to self acceptance. Its a little different but as an FA, I've found support from others has helped me along my own self acceptance path too.
I can understand the anger felt towards weight loss industries... and towards the years of failed dieting that happen to 95% (or more) of fat people. I can understand that there is anger towards those that discriminate against them. What I didnt understand is why so many fat acceptance communities are so vehemently opposed to the idea that a fat person might want to make changes to their body weight for their OWN reasons. Yes... I understand that most diets fail... but thats not the point. The point is that a persons body is their own. Their decisions are their own. By changing one's weight, one is not a traitor to fat acceptance as I've always understood it. After all... I'm thin and as I define it above, I support fat acceptance. Why does the issue of personal fat pride confuse the notion that one can be pro fat-acceptance but not be fat.
The thing is, its not even a simple question of fat vs thin. There appears to be a complete lack of emphathy or willingness to relate to the realities of some super sized people that want to make changes to their size. Not for vanity reasons... not because somebody else has told them to... but because they, as individuals... want to fit into old clothes, to experience less joint pain, to return to weight that they were more mobile or comfortable at previously.... I know from talking with many supersized people that this is something that invariably comes with age and experience and it doesnt represent self hatred or fat hatred. It represents a pragmatic and balanced judgement that has been reached via personal experience.
What I believe some of the mainstream fat acceptance commentators are failing to grasp is this notion of individual choice. I feel that they really miss the point when they rally against the societal conditions that are imposed upon fat people, only to impose new ones (no weight changes) on fat people themselves. I feel that this is, at best, counterproductive... and, at worst, a form of exclusion that disenfranchises super sized people from the very movement that professes to represent them.
I have a whole lot more to say on this subject... I shall save it for another post...
As an FA, I've always had an interest in the subject. My primary frustration was the way the way that fat people are viewed (and judged) by society. I felt (and still feel) that on the most basic level, its unjust to judge another person on aesthetic criteria. I felt (and still feel) that attaching moral judgement to a person, without knowing the content of their character is wrong. Most of all, I felt (and still feel) that every person is an individual, with their own life and their own rights to their body and that nobody has a right to ask them to change in order to meet any external notion of 'acceptability'.
Whilst never really engaging in the hardcore fat politics, I'd always assumed in the past that the movement was about bringing about change so that fat people could become a part of mainstream 'normality' (and I hesitate to use that word but its the best I can think of to convey my point right now).
So I'm despondant and I'm frustrated to be learning... more and more it seems... that this isnt quite the case in a lot of the spheres of fat acceptance that I've been educating myself about.
The concept of 'fat pride' would seem to be a positive one. I can't speak as a fat person, because I'm not... but as an interested observer, I can try to emphathise with how it is difficult to overcome self acceptance issues and how being part of a group of other like minded people can help reinforce and support the path to self acceptance. Its a little different but as an FA, I've found support from others has helped me along my own self acceptance path too.
I can understand the anger felt towards weight loss industries... and towards the years of failed dieting that happen to 95% (or more) of fat people. I can understand that there is anger towards those that discriminate against them. What I didnt understand is why so many fat acceptance communities are so vehemently opposed to the idea that a fat person might want to make changes to their body weight for their OWN reasons. Yes... I understand that most diets fail... but thats not the point. The point is that a persons body is their own. Their decisions are their own. By changing one's weight, one is not a traitor to fat acceptance as I've always understood it. After all... I'm thin and as I define it above, I support fat acceptance. Why does the issue of personal fat pride confuse the notion that one can be pro fat-acceptance but not be fat.
The thing is, its not even a simple question of fat vs thin. There appears to be a complete lack of emphathy or willingness to relate to the realities of some super sized people that want to make changes to their size. Not for vanity reasons... not because somebody else has told them to... but because they, as individuals... want to fit into old clothes, to experience less joint pain, to return to weight that they were more mobile or comfortable at previously.... I know from talking with many supersized people that this is something that invariably comes with age and experience and it doesnt represent self hatred or fat hatred. It represents a pragmatic and balanced judgement that has been reached via personal experience.
What I believe some of the mainstream fat acceptance commentators are failing to grasp is this notion of individual choice. I feel that they really miss the point when they rally against the societal conditions that are imposed upon fat people, only to impose new ones (no weight changes) on fat people themselves. I feel that this is, at best, counterproductive... and, at worst, a form of exclusion that disenfranchises super sized people from the very movement that professes to represent them.
I have a whole lot more to say on this subject... I shall save it for another post...
Friday, 27 June 2008
Fat and Proud
For as long as I've been watching TV, it seems that there have been a multitude of exposé and circus-freak 'documentaries' about fat people. Often gently (but viciously) mocking in nature, lifting the lid on the BBW community, pointing a disgusted finger and then legitimising the nastiness by using the condescending tone of pretend 'concern'.
Some documentaries have even gone step further, focusing on fetish in order to obtain maximum shock value (and maximum ratings). Whilst raising the profile of fat sexuality in general, these have had the effect of creating a pigeon-holed social stereotype of all 'Fat Admirers' as being controlling, amoral feeders. Something thats clearly untrue... (but no doubt a program about regular guys that were like any others except they wanted to date a large partner would make for a less interesting documentary than one about 'evil' fetishists?)
In fact, I cant think of more than one or two that have presented a balanced view of the community so it was with some relief that "Fat and Proud" on Sky Real Lives turned out to be (mostly) pretty good. My relief is in part, personal as I was interviewed for the show and given the history of such documentaries was worried about the very real possibility that it would turn out as a load of guff...
I'm also pretty glad that I didnt come off looking like an drunken idiot either... considering I'd had a few pints when they interviewed me...
To see the show, click on the following 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Some documentaries have even gone step further, focusing on fetish in order to obtain maximum shock value (and maximum ratings). Whilst raising the profile of fat sexuality in general, these have had the effect of creating a pigeon-holed social stereotype of all 'Fat Admirers' as being controlling, amoral feeders. Something thats clearly untrue... (but no doubt a program about regular guys that were like any others except they wanted to date a large partner would make for a less interesting documentary than one about 'evil' fetishists?)
In fact, I cant think of more than one or two that have presented a balanced view of the community so it was with some relief that "Fat and Proud" on Sky Real Lives turned out to be (mostly) pretty good. My relief is in part, personal as I was interviewed for the show and given the history of such documentaries was worried about the very real possibility that it would turn out as a load of guff...
I'm also pretty glad that I didnt come off looking like an drunken idiot either... considering I'd had a few pints when they interviewed me...
To see the show, click on the following 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
“So you like big women..?”
“So you like big women..?”
Why does that idea seem like an alien concept to people? You can almost see the question on their lips before they've even asked it,
“why would he choose a fat girl over a thin girl?”.
Well, it might not be seen as commonplace but liking big women doesn't make me weird, It definitely doesn't make me a fetishist, it just means that one of the things that might attract me to a woman, along with her personality, positivity and sense of humour is that she has a beautiful plus sized figure.
“But that doesn’t answer why you like FAT?”
See... the thing is, I don’t know exactly why I'm attracted to fat bodies and not thin ones, but I do know that I've always felt this way. In fact, well before my first lustful adolescent thoughts, I had always felt more comfortable, more at ease around and even more trusting towards large people in general. As I reached the teenage years my attraction towards the larger female form became much more defined to me. I was fascinated by the way that their bodies moved, by the sensuality and femininity of the soft curves that were completely absent from the bodies of the masculine-looking slim girls that all my friends were crazy about.
This period was a tough one for me. My parents disapproved of my preference. Making no effort to hide their disappointment and disgust for what they hoped was a passing phase. To add to this, I began to feel the pressure of knowing I was different from my peers. I kept my preference secret for fear of facing the derision I was sure that revealing the truth would bring. I placed such a pressure on myself to fit in and be ‘normal’ that for while in my teens I even I tried to convince myself that I could see beauty in slim women too. I dated a slim girl but soon ended the relationship. My college friends had 'approved' and she was fun to spend time with but the spark of physical attraction just wasn't there... and I came to realise it never could be. Being with a slim woman seemed wrong and frankly, I felt like a fraud.
So perhaps unsurprisingly it wasn't until my late teens and early twenties that I really began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I used the internet to join size positive web communities and discovered that I was far from unique. There were many other guys that liked big women and talking with them helped me gain the confidence I needed to accept myself and 'come out'. Taking this step was easily the best and most liberating decision I've ever made in my life.
Unfortunately, this kind of an experience is common, if not the norm amongst BBW admiring men. Some suppress their preference well into adulthood. Some never openly express it. Perhaps its an over-generalisation but its my opinion that the longer an individual stays in 'the closet', the greater the risk there is of a simple preference for BBWs festering and potentially manifesting itself eventually as an unhealthy fetish. Maybe this could be avoided if more BBW admirers were aware that they weren't as weird or unique as maybe they think they are? There are several ways guys can work this all out for themselves. Interacting within internet communities (such as dimensionsmagazine.com) and attending social events like (the fantastic!) Big Girls Paradise would be my recommendation. Really though, it doesn't matter where or how it happens.
I cant emphasise enough how important it is for BBW admirers is to have a chance to get to know one another, relate to each other and in the process, learn to accept themselves.
Whilst the majority of media coverage remains hostile, I believe that over the last 5 to 10 years, attitudes in general towards fat women have been changing here in the UK. There is definitely a notion spreading (albeit slowly) that it isn’t acceptable to discriminate on the basis of size. There are also more big women than ever before. With these greater numbers comes greater visibility and subsequently an increasing sense of social normalisation. As people who admire and date BBWs, we can do our part to accelerate this process. We can (and we should) make a difference to help chip away at the misconceptions and prejudices that still remain.
Not everyone is cut out for waving placards and protesting. The hardened activist approach clearly has its place in raising awareness but can just as easily be caricatured by the ignorant as an ‘extreme’ view. Such views are easily dismissed, ignored or even ridiculed. There are other, more subtle and perhaps more effective ways that each and every ‘out’ BBW admirer can help make a difference. For instance, every time we challenge hate-filled fat ‘humour’, every time we stand up for ourselves and our preference, every time we proudly kiss or walk hand in hand with a BBW in public we are making a statement.
Big women are beautiful, big women are desirable, big women and their partners are as normal as any other couple...
And what could be a better message than that..?
Why does that idea seem like an alien concept to people? You can almost see the question on their lips before they've even asked it,
“why would he choose a fat girl over a thin girl?”.
Well, it might not be seen as commonplace but liking big women doesn't make me weird, It definitely doesn't make me a fetishist, it just means that one of the things that might attract me to a woman, along with her personality, positivity and sense of humour is that she has a beautiful plus sized figure.
“But that doesn’t answer why you like FAT?”
See... the thing is, I don’t know exactly why I'm attracted to fat bodies and not thin ones, but I do know that I've always felt this way. In fact, well before my first lustful adolescent thoughts, I had always felt more comfortable, more at ease around and even more trusting towards large people in general. As I reached the teenage years my attraction towards the larger female form became much more defined to me. I was fascinated by the way that their bodies moved, by the sensuality and femininity of the soft curves that were completely absent from the bodies of the masculine-looking slim girls that all my friends were crazy about.
This period was a tough one for me. My parents disapproved of my preference. Making no effort to hide their disappointment and disgust for what they hoped was a passing phase. To add to this, I began to feel the pressure of knowing I was different from my peers. I kept my preference secret for fear of facing the derision I was sure that revealing the truth would bring. I placed such a pressure on myself to fit in and be ‘normal’ that for while in my teens I even I tried to convince myself that I could see beauty in slim women too. I dated a slim girl but soon ended the relationship. My college friends had 'approved' and she was fun to spend time with but the spark of physical attraction just wasn't there... and I came to realise it never could be. Being with a slim woman seemed wrong and frankly, I felt like a fraud.
So perhaps unsurprisingly it wasn't until my late teens and early twenties that I really began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I used the internet to join size positive web communities and discovered that I was far from unique. There were many other guys that liked big women and talking with them helped me gain the confidence I needed to accept myself and 'come out'. Taking this step was easily the best and most liberating decision I've ever made in my life.
Unfortunately, this kind of an experience is common, if not the norm amongst BBW admiring men. Some suppress their preference well into adulthood. Some never openly express it. Perhaps its an over-generalisation but its my opinion that the longer an individual stays in 'the closet', the greater the risk there is of a simple preference for BBWs festering and potentially manifesting itself eventually as an unhealthy fetish. Maybe this could be avoided if more BBW admirers were aware that they weren't as weird or unique as maybe they think they are? There are several ways guys can work this all out for themselves. Interacting within internet communities (such as dimensionsmagazine.com) and attending social events like (the fantastic!) Big Girls Paradise would be my recommendation. Really though, it doesn't matter where or how it happens.
I cant emphasise enough how important it is for BBW admirers is to have a chance to get to know one another, relate to each other and in the process, learn to accept themselves.
Whilst the majority of media coverage remains hostile, I believe that over the last 5 to 10 years, attitudes in general towards fat women have been changing here in the UK. There is definitely a notion spreading (albeit slowly) that it isn’t acceptable to discriminate on the basis of size. There are also more big women than ever before. With these greater numbers comes greater visibility and subsequently an increasing sense of social normalisation. As people who admire and date BBWs, we can do our part to accelerate this process. We can (and we should) make a difference to help chip away at the misconceptions and prejudices that still remain.
Not everyone is cut out for waving placards and protesting. The hardened activist approach clearly has its place in raising awareness but can just as easily be caricatured by the ignorant as an ‘extreme’ view. Such views are easily dismissed, ignored or even ridiculed. There are other, more subtle and perhaps more effective ways that each and every ‘out’ BBW admirer can help make a difference. For instance, every time we challenge hate-filled fat ‘humour’, every time we stand up for ourselves and our preference, every time we proudly kiss or walk hand in hand with a BBW in public we are making a statement.
Big women are beautiful, big women are desirable, big women and their partners are as normal as any other couple...
And what could be a better message than that..?
James Hayward 2008
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